What comes to my mind each time I find myself in a situation where everybody or everything else “counts”, where everything else is “highly” important but me, are the words of my first coach telling me:
“Love yourself first”.
To love oneself can be truly hard to learn, especially when you haven’t been doing that for ages and you’ve already reached a certain age. Changing habits gets more difficult with each year that passes by. Even today, with all the skills and knowledge I have, sometimes it’s hard to fulfil my own “requirements”… But, this issue is much too important to neglect or not to talk about it. Because it’s absolutely true that you have to love yourself first to be able to give love to others in your life. And finally, that’s what each one of us truly wants, right?
Frequently, when we’re buried in work, busy with the thousand little things apparently happening all at once and all of them having the tag “highly important” on them, we tend to forget about ourselves and about the needs and desires we have.
What we have to learn though is to put them in the right order in terms of importance and give each one of them the time and the attention they need, always keeping in mind that what ever we’re doing has to be in balance with our own Self. If that’s not the case we’ll end up messing and screwing things up, feeling ourselves overwhelmed by the thought that we have to get everything accomplished and incapable to get things done.
Love yourself first is what I was told by my coach back those days when I started out and that’s what I want to help my clients discover as well. Knowing about your Self and knowing how to handle that special situation, makes things so much easier.
In our life coaching sessions I used to ask my clients about what they like and what they love. The answers are almost the same each time but, I rarely have one of them saying he loves him- or herself. Why people act like that?
- Because no one wants to be seen as self-centred or selfish.
- They don’t really want to explore their own Self to get that self-awareness
helping them to make a shift much earlier, before little issues become problems.
- Many of them are willing to deny their Self taking it up to self-sacrifice instead of
taking action to change something.
Let’s say it like it is: a bit more self-awareness can help you develop a healthy selfishness and prevent you from getting into such a situation where you are forced to react. When you react to something it’s much harder to make a shift. Do it as long as you can act and influence what happens, as long as you have the choice.
And believe me, nobody’s gonna judge you because you start developing that healthy selfishness. At least none of those people who know, love and trust you.
And the rest? Well, you cannot please everyone! Keep that in mind and, never forget that you have to love yourself first, ok?